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Feb 02, 2013
The Christian Home 18 - Roles And Responsibilities- The Husbands Roles 3.
This message was published for the 19th Jan - 2nd Feb, 2013

Audio message of the week : Transcribed Text

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18-The Christian Home-Roles And Responsibilities- The Husbands Roles 3.

Welcome…

The matter that God has begun with us concerning our homes has been given a further push as the Lord gathered us under His wings in the Ministers’ Leadership Retreat 2012. There, the Lord rallied us unto the matter of our part in ensuring that “This Gospel of the Kingdom” be preached. The great foundation of that Word is that each of our lives has already been conquered by “this Gospel,” that the Cross is the great source out of which every force of our lives spring. The crucified life that brings to birth continually the power of resurrection is the only design of God IF our lives would be an effective witness. .

Such was the direction God is asking us to take that one of the vital resources God introduced to us at that Retreat is a Book-DVD titled “How to be a Good Husband” as if God is asking us to bring the issues ‘home.’ Indeed we need to do that if ever we would know the Presence of God anywhere else. Such is the practicality of God’s instruction to anyone who would be a witness.

We still sense a continual need to keep up with the issues of the Christian Home that the Lord began with us earlier. And as such we yet plead that you and your spouse should endeavor to listen together and read together the transcripts of these messages from week to week, if possible. We trust that these messages would generate communications and discussions and through that you will address each other’s unique needs in your family in the light of the counsel of God from His Word. Doing this as a couple, we trust that your particular situation as a family can be raised between yourselves after which you can come into the place of prayer together for the help which we trust God to come to you by devoting all these weeks to the critical theme of the Christian home.

God bless you.

Livingseed Sitekeeper.

And now to the message . . .

* * * * *

The Christian Home: Roles of the husband Part 3.

Prayer: Almighty God we bless You, we honour You because You have been so good to us. Yet again we have come beseeching You that you will not hide your oracle from us but wisdom will flow unto our lives today as we look into the perfect law of liberty. Grant us an obedient heart that God as we listen to Your word, it will do us good because we will rise to obey You.

Thank you Father, thank You for hearing us for we have prayed in Jesus Name. Amen.


I want to praise God with you for enduring with us all along the several weeks that we have been running this series on the Christian home. We trust that God Himself has visited us and will yet visit us as we go on.

This week we are going to further look into the roles and the responsibilities of the husband towards the wife, towards the children and towards the whole family. We are trusting also that as we do that God will grant you grace to see your duty face to face and rather than complain or grumble or murmur or rebel, you would apply and sue for the grace of God that will enable you fulfill this grave responsibility that God is expecting you to undertake on His behalf towards your wife as a husband.

We are still studying Ephesians chapter 5, we have not finished with that Scripture. I still want you to please follow me back there again. We have been studying from verse 23 of that Scripture, let’s take that section of the chapter again down to verse 33.

Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

Eph 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Eph 5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Eph 5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.


May God bless His word to our hearts in Jesus Name.

Last week, I pointed some important key words to you as we studied that Scripture. Phrases like “even as, so as” that re-occur severally in that Scripture. That the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the Head of the church; that husbands love your wife even as Christ also loves the church (verse 25) and a phrase like verse 28 which says “So ought men to love their wives even as their own bodies.” Verse 29 says - even as the Lord Jesus.

And as the Word of God kept coming it keeps referring and comparing and measuring the role of the husband alongside the character, the stature of the role of the Lord Jesus. So as a husband I found a challenge: the challenge is that the standard of the measurement of your role is the Lord Jesus Christ and you wouldn’t do well until you rate your activity, your responsibility and your response to the need of your wife and to your children with the way Jesus Christ will handle the church. And it is on that basis that we decided to look at Jesus - who is this Jesus? And what did He do so that we can know how to measure our own lives and know what we are running after? May God help you as we again make progress into these issues this week in the Name of Jesus Christ.

The last time I spoke I ended up by saying that Jesus Christ is the Saviour of the body and the Bible now says in verse 25: “Husbands love your wives.” Wait please. But before I look at the issue of Christ being the head of the church, we realise that Christ is the Head as the High Priest, the Head as the Saviour of the body, I want you to see Him as the Leader - the Head - as the leader and as the master. You see Jesus is not only our High Priest and is not only our Saviour but is our Leader and our Master; I see Jesus making us to see the kind of role that the husband ought to play as a leader, a leader for the wife.

Who is a leader? A leader is someone who takes the lead. A leader is not one who is a director. No! A leader is a person who takes the lead, someone who goes ahead, somebody who paves the way. Many of you realise that when it has just drizzled and dew fell on the grass and you are to pass through a path as a group. Let me ask you a question - whose trouser would be wet? It must be the leader’s trousers because he is the one who will run through it – the leader’s trousers would have been wet and dirty from gathering the dew on the grass and the people following him will not have theirs wet! As a husband who is meant to be a leader, I want you to see what Jesus did. He demonstrated his leadership role and the place of master in the midst of his disciples, God wants you as a husband to also demonstrate this same leadership role and to be a master over your own household?

Now, look at John chapter 13 very quickly. John 13 verses 12 to 17. Let me quickly go to that Scripture.

Joh 13:12 So when he had washed their feet, and taken his garments, and sat down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you?

Joh 13:13 Ye call me, Teacher, and, Lord: and ye say well; for so I am.

Joh 13:14 If I then, the Lord and the Teacher, have washed your feet, ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.

Joh 13:15 For I have given you an example, that ye also should do as I have done to you.

Joh 13:16 Verily, verily, I say unto you, a servant is not greater than his lord; neither one that is sent greater than he that sent him.

Joh 13:17 If ye know these things, blessed are ye if ye do them.


Again we see Jesus demonstrating how to be a leader: leadership by service, leadership by washing the feet of those who are your subordinates. This is quite strange to carnal and worldly leadership, I have always noticed that in carnal leadership that is inherent in the world system, it is the leader that stretches his legs and all his subordinates will come and wash it and will cut the nails on his feet for him. Also his finger-nails! In the world system, it is the leader who will put his leg sometime on the stool, and if you look at days gone by our traditional chiefs had men who had been made eunuchs (such eunuchs cannot be anything in life anymore) such chiefs just put their legs on such men just for show! See, it is that kind of leadership that is in the world. But we are seeing Jesus here - he is not a master that stretches his leg to be washed or to be carried or to be pampered by men. What we saw Jesus doing was He rather would ask His children, his disciples to stretch forth their legs that He may wash them!!

And I want to ask you : if Jesus be our leader and He has shown us that that is how to be a leader in the church, then how do you see your role as a husband, as a leader over your wife, a leader that serves? Some of you may be imagining in your mind and say to yourself “Brother, this thing you are saying will make my wife arrogant and she will be of no use to me because she will take me for granted.” I tell you IT WILL NOT! You try it - you can never be wiser than Jesus! When Jesus did it, the most arrogant of the disciples came on their knees. They all came on their knees! You try what I am telling you. It works. It looks like magic but it works! This is because leadership by example, leadership that serves make men to become indebted to your life because you serve. Your authority is coming on their lives because of ministry, because of your service.

I want to ask you: “How much have you served your wife?” How much have you told her to stretch forth her feet, to seat down and that you are going to do some house chores for her? Do I not see you every time - and all the time - coming back home and just seating in the living room, stretching your leg and commanding her here and there … “Is my food ready?” Have you ever once said to your wife “Look, I want you to take a leave from house work today, allow me to cook for you.” I know you may put too much salt in the food - no problem - it is because you are not used to it. It would be a wonderful experience that your wife could stretch forth her leg and you would serve her in this manner. Jesus Christ demonstrated that to His body even the disciples.

Listen, I have only set a principle - I am not asking wives to jump up and ask their husbands to move right now into the kitchen. I want to say: the Principle of Spiritual Leadership that Jesus showed to us is the Principle of service, a Principle that prefers the other better than yourself. Have you considered doing something that would encourage your wife? Have you (ever) asked for all her dirty clothes and told her that you will be the one to wash it over this weekend? Do this and see what God would do. See if she will not be grateful. See if she will not break-down in a good way and yield more in submission to your life.

Have you done anything to show your wife that though you are a leader - you are a leader that serves? She can then think and say ”O look at my husband doing these and he is our leader in this home, he is older and wiser than myself, why am I seating here doing nothing and why am I not responding to the will of God for my home?” Husbands, have you ever done such? Some of you are thinking that if you ever do it she would continue to expect you to keep doing it. Why don’t you take a step and let’s see what would happen when you obey the Word of God and practise the Jesus-kind of leadership style.

We also saw the same kind of thing in Mark 10 verses 42-43

Mar 10:42 And Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they who are accounted to rule over the Gentiles lord it over them; and their great ones exercise authority over them.

Mar 10:43 But it is not so among you: but whosoever would become great among you, shall be your minister;


As I go ahead can we ask ourselves what is the implication of this Kingdom Leadership Principle and how did Jesus administer it? If you look at Phillipians 2 verses 3 to 7 you will realise that the Bible says Jesus first of all emptied Himself and made Himself of no reputation. He had a lowly mind, He esteemed the others better than Himself. This kind of leadership provokes another out of love unto service. Galatians 5:13. And if you could you may go ahead and see ITim.3:4-5, it talks about being grave over the house, that is, not being careless. Your children and your wife shouldn’t take you for granted. They should respect you out of your service for them and out of response to your genuine love for them. And 1Pet. 3 says you should honour your wife as a weaker vessel and God will honour you.

Now I want you to move quickly to verse 25 of Ephesians 5 that we have been studying, we will read to verse 29

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

Eph 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:


Now the Bible says husband must love their wives just as Christ loves the church. I would wish you take note, go back and study! How did Jesus Christ love the church? The Bible said He loved us not when we were strong, not when we were wise, not when we were useful to Him; not when we became holy, not when we became sanctified, not when we became preachers, not after we had learnt to give to God and support the Gospel. No! While we were yet sinners, while we were yet antagonistic to Him, while we were yet miserable offenders that was when Jesus loved us and gave Himself! Love that gave! I imagine many of you saying that you love your wife, but your love always receives! Your love always uses, your love always drives everyone up and down. Your own love always exploits! If you say you love your wife it is only so that she might serve you more: it is only for her to run around to serve you more and for her to lay down her life for you more, to forego her sleep for you more!!! And you husband keep at this and manipulate her till she believes that if she doesn’t do that she is not worthy of any care! It bothers me to see many women struggling, living, cooking, going up and down and doing everything just to please their husband; that is the curse we talked about in Genesis-chapter-3-marriage. We find that the kind of marriage God is introducing to us in this Ephesians 3 Scripture is the kind that produces Unconditional Love; love, when we were yet weak. Love when we were yet sinners!

There are many of you listening to me now, maybe you promised your wife something last year: that you were going to buy her something at Christmas but unfortunately by the month of November she did something that was very painful to you and you felt that there was only one way to punish her and she will feel it. And what did you do? At the beginning of December when you had your money; you brought that money down and you were counting it and counting it as if you were going to hand that money over to her and say “Go and buy this thing.” Rather what did you do? You said to her “this is the money I thought I would give you, this is the money I thought I would use to buy that thing for you but because you have decided to show a wrong behaviour, as you have decided to prove that you are arrogant; as you have decided to argue with me, I will see how you will buy it!” And you put that money back in your pocket and there and then you invested in something else so that it can pain her! How many men have I met who said they have done all these things? They have run after other girls in order to provoke their wives to jealousy, in order to prove to their wives that she is nothing and that there are many women out there that are even scrambling for them!

I want to say to you, can you measure your life after the Lord Jesus Christ Who loved us not when we were cooperating with Him! Jesus loved us not when we became obedient, He loved us not when we became holy, He loved us not when we started serving God; He loved us while we were sinners, while we were opposing Him and were not willing to hear anything about Him.

What is your own love like? I want you to see the contrast with which God began to talk about the way which you should love your wife … He gave himself for it. Eph. 5:25. Have you loved your wife so much that you can give yourself: you can give yourself in prayer, you can give yourself in fasting, you can give yourself in service and can give yourself in giving? What am I saying? Things that you would have used for yourself can I see you giving it to your wife? Can you prefer to wear ordinary clothes and wear ordinary shoes and slippers around while you make sure your wife is properly clothed?

Can you give yourself for your wife to show indeed that that is the way Jesus Christ loved us? Jesus Christ became homeless that we may have a home in heaven, He walked about and if you didn’t know Him you would call him a vagrant and a nomad! He became poor so that we may become rich! I am asking you a question right now: “What have you given to improve the spiritual condition, the social condition, the physical condition of your wife? What have you given?” Love that does not give is actually lust! Are you hearing me? Love that does not give, love that always receives and collects is lust! It’s a cheat, in fact it is punishment. And I want to ask you: Check how much you say you love your wife! This kind of love I am talking about is not the kind that just comes home and you just twist your neck and say “Oh! I just love you, I just love you.” And you keep saying that everywhere. No please! Love is not in tongue but in action. When Jesus loved us He didn’t go about saying “I love you.” Will you know that John chapter 3 verse 16 is the only Bible verse that gives us the realization that - O for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life? Apart from that Bible verse you never have any such Bible verse that speaks of His love for us until Jesus had died and risen again in the book of Romans and in the book of First John!

I now want to ask you: What is this love that you are talking about that you go on mouthing it only and it is all about talk, talk, talk and talk? Every day you say “My wife I love you;” in the night, you say: “I love you!” And yet you love her and collect all her salary!! You say you love her and you take all the money she had! You say you love her and her clothes have all turned into rags, you love her and she has nothing! Her spiritual life is going down and you say you love her! I wonder what kind of love you have demonstrated. It must be the kind of love the devil says he loves you with!

Now I want to ask you to go furthermore with me into the Scriptures.

Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

Again I can see Jesus laying down Himself that the church might be sanctified and cleansed with the washing of water by the Word. Do you try to sanctify your wife? Do you do anything to make your wife stand beyond reproach in character? Do you invest in the Word of God and settle down and say “OK, I have seen something good, a good book, a good cassette, a good spiritual material that will encourage my wife? Do you get some good video tapes and DVDs - audio visual teaching materials - teaching materials of the Word of God that will help your wife to become versatile, to become refreshed in the things of the Kingdom?” Jesus did all of this to sanctify and to cleanse the church, look at the Scripture again: that he might present it to Himself a glorious church.

My brother I want to ask you - what are you doing to make your wife presentable? What are you doing to make her presentable that even when you see her you are not ashamed to say “That’s my wife!” Some of you - you find it difficult to show-off your wife, you are so ashamed! Your wife is so lost in the crowd! You are covered in shame and you can’t point to her and say – “That’s my wife” because you have not nourished her, you have not done anything to make her presentable even to yourself: you keep running after other ladies! Other ladies look more beautiful to you than your wife. And I want to say to you, if those ladies were treated the way you treat your wife do you think you would find them such a target you have made them? Will your wife not be even more attractive to you than them? Some of you that are adulterers, if you will care for your wife the way you are caring for that harlot-girl, if you gave 10% of such a care to your wife things would have changed! How many times do I see you, you just pack your car and what do you do? You bring money - Five Thousand Naira - and give to a girl just because she calls you Sugar Daddy! Should you give Five Thousand Naira per week to your wife and she would not be better in her relationship in your home? (Site-Keeper’s Note: The Five Thousand Naira at the time this message was preached would be Fifty Thousand Naira today)

I want to ask you today: “how much love have you shown to your wife that she might become presentable - a glorious woman!” When I talk of glory I am not talking of dress, I am not talking of designer clothes, I am not talking of wearing costly jewelry - I am talking of a woman that is settled, a woman that is full of assurance, she is not anxious for anything - she knows that she has a husband that cares. She trusts in you so she can relax, she is not fidgety; she is not struggling with other people! She is not wondering if others will snatch her husband from her.

I want to ask you today: “What have you done to make your wife presentable even to yourself talk less of making her presentable to the society?”

Let’s take something very quickly now just before we stop. Can you quickly go with me to Ephesians chapter 5 verse 29?

Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

That is the other role I see Jesus demonstrating to us as the role of the husband. What is that? To nourish and to cherish. I wish you would find out in which way can a husband nourish and cherish his wife spiritually and physically? I want to say that it is by spending time in prayer, spending time to assure her of the will of God, take her out on holidays, take her out on a retreat - you don’t have to be highly placed, you don’t have to be a big man in the office before you can afford that! Just a small thing to do while the two of you are alone - you will spend time with God even if it is fasting and praying together, studying the Word of God, exposing her to the best of messages that will help her life. Giving her time to pray, giving her time to wait on the Lord. I want to ask you to please nourish your wife and then I want to show you something as we look at verse 29 again.

Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it…

We don’t cherish before we nourish: please don’t forget this! Some of you don’t nourish your wife and you claim to cherish her, that does not make sense!!

I want to conclude at this point.

You know God is speaking to you and if you have been following this series, He has spoken to you already. You have to start thinking of nourishing your wife so as to cherish her, so as to appreciate her. When a woman is under-nourished, what are the things we see in such a life and what are the effects of this on the home? Can you check what I am saying? When a woman is not nourished, she will soon dry out like an uprooted plant; she shrinks and cracks with an embittered heart! She is shallow-hearted and noisy. She is bereft of grace, lacking the oil of grace in her life! If you fail to nourish your wife, in a few years’ time, there will be nothing to cherish her for. Could that be the reason why many men got tired of and are fed up with their wife after a while? Brother, how cherishable is your wife today? Is she presentable among God’s people? Is she full of virtue? Does her state not reflect a quiet failure and neglect of your holy duty to nourish her?

As we pray together right now know that the husband is called to nourish. What have you done? Your wife is so noisy going up and down, getting into trouble, fighting here and there because she lacks assurance. When a woman lacks assurance she suspects everybody.

Can you bow your head and pray and hand over your life to the Lord? Hand over your marriage to the Lord, hand over your wife to the Lord; as a husband maybe you have failed in all of these duties - you just do these things occasionally breezing in and breezing out! Can you talk to the Lord and say “This responsibility, I am going to bear it?”

Till we come together to complete this series next week, we will be praying with you that these things God started doing in your life will become a perfect experience in the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Prayer: Lord we thank You and are still presenting to You husbands that you have purged with this Word and are praying with us now. Lord we ask that they will know the grace of Christ and be what You designed them to be to their families. In Jesus Name we pray. Amen.

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