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Jan 11, 2013
The Christian Home 17 - Roles and Responsibilities-The Husbands Roles 2.
This message was published for the 28th Dec., 2012 - 11th Jan., 2013

Audio message of the week : Transcribed Text

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17-The Christian Home-Roles and Responsibilities-The Husbands Roles 2.

Welcome…

The matter that God has begun with us concerning our homes has been given a further push as the Lord gathered us under His wings in the Ministers’ Leadership Retreat 2012. There, the Lord rallied us unto the matter of our part in ensuring that “This Gospel of the Kingdom” be preached. The great foundation of that Word is that each of our lives has already been conquered by “this Gospel,” that the Cross is the great source out of which every force of our lives spring. The crucified life that brings to birth continually the power of resurrection is the only design of God IF our lives would be an effective witness. .

Such was the direction God is asking us to take that one of the vital resources God introduced to us at that Retreat is a Book-DVD titled “How to be a Good Husband” as if God is asking us to bring the issues ‘home.’ Indeed we need to do that if ever we would know the Presence of God anywhere else. Such is the practicality of God’s instruction to anyone who would be a witness.

We still sense a continual need to keep up with the issues of the Christian Home that the Lord began with us earlier. And as such we yet plead that you and your spouse should endeavor to listen together and read together the transcripts of these messages from week to week, if possible. We trust that these messages would generate communications and discussions and through that you will address each other’s unique needs in your family in the light of the counsel of God from His Word. Doing this as a couple, we trust that your particular situation as a family can be raised between yourselves after which you can come into the place of prayer together for the help which we trust God to come to you by devoting all these weeks to the critical theme of the Christian home.

God bless you.

Livingseed Sitekeeper.

And now to the message . . .

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The Christian Home: Roles of the husband Part 2.

Prayer: Almighty God we thank You for yet another opportunity to learn at Your feet. Thank You because new every morning is Your love to us, Your mercies are ever new and they endure for ever.

Lord today we want to cry to You, that You will teach us from the depth of Your heart those principles that will turn our homes for good and for Your glory. Thank You for all these several weeks that You have led us to discuss on the matter of the Christian family, we are asking that it will have a cummulative eternal effect upon Your church in this country and beyond in the Name of Jesus Christ. Thank You Father for hearing us, we are trusting that as we go on today again You will arrest several hearts and You will bring them to Yourself in complete submission.

Thank You for hearing us for we have prayed in Jesus Name. Amen.

We want to praise the Lord for where He led us in our series of studies on the Christian Home. Last week we started dealing with the Roles and the Responsibilities of the husband towards his wife and towards his family. This week as we continue with that subtheme, I want us to take our bearing from Ephesians chapter 5 verses 23 to 33. We started studying it but we couldn’t go too far, I pray that God by His grace will help us today to go far in the aspect of the husband’s roles.

Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

Eph 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Eph 5:26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

Eph 5:27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

Eph 5:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

Eph 5:31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

Eph 5:32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Eph 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.


Let’s stop there, may the Lord grant you understanding as we progress today looking at our roles and responsibilities to our wives as husbands in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ.

One point that God began to show us which I would like to draw your attention to, again, was the fact that the husband is the head of his wife. Last week we looked at what is the role of the head in the human body - what is the function of the head - that was what preoccupied us. But this week, I want us to take note of some few things that make our roles as the husband to become very, very serious especially when you consider the way the word of God has presented it in the Scripture we have read.

Now I want you to note something - the husband is the head of the wife even as - I want you to take note of these words in verse 33 - Christ is the Head of the church. Then I want you to look at verse 25 “husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.” I want you to look at verses 28 and 29.

Eph 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Eph 5:29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:


So you will see something here: the standard of measurement as far as the role of the husband is concerned, may I say very, very soberly unto you today - the standard, the measure of our role as husband is no one less than the Lord Jesus Christ. As a husband, there is only one man that God has introduced to us in terms of being a husband; that one man is THE LORD JESUS CHRIST! And so you will see the conjunction, or let’s say the comparative terms, in the Scriptures we have read; that term is even as Christ... for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the Head of the church and is the Saviour of the body. Which means in other for you to have a clear understanding of what your role should be as a husband towards your wife, you will need to study the Lord Jesus Christ a bit, you will need to see Jesus Christ performing the function of the Head of the church, you will need to see Jesus Christ performing the function of the Bridegroom over the His body even the church.

We are going to see Jesus Christ performing the function of a Saviour toward the body. From there we can draw our analogy; we can then measure your performance against God’s own standard that He has set before us. But let me say this before I go ahead to consider Christ as the standard measurement of our role, Jesus our role model. If you are a husband, and you are not measuring your life as per the way Jesus Christ would be a husband over the church, then you are not yet doing well. I am not asking you to compare yourself to other men around. There are times when husbands meet in the pepper-soup shop and they compare themselves with themselves and say “Well I am even trying, I was able to buy one wrapper for my wife,” and the other husband would say “I did not buy anything for my wife for 2 years, she is such a stubborn woman and I am disciplining her.” And then you the first husband in this example would feel you are doing well. But I want to say to you that in the presence of God, our only standard of measurement is the Lord Jesus Christ. So it looks to me as if God would want you to demonstrate to your wife what Christ would have done to her as a husband.

So let me quickly go ahead today and consider Jesus Christ as our role model as far as husbands’ relationships and roles and responsibilities to their wives is concerned.

Let’s look at Jesus now. The Bible said, the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church. If we look at Jesus Christ as the head of the church, we realise that He is the Head as our High Priest. Let’s see Jesus as the High Priest very quickly - Hebrews chapter 2; please we have several Scriptures to read today if you have your Bible we would like you to read with us quickly. Hebrews chapter 2, I would read verses 17 to 18 with you.

Heb 2:17 Wherefore in all things it behoved him to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the sins of the people.

Heb 2:18 For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted.


In Hebrews chapter 4 in verses 14 to 16, the Bible says concerning same Jesus.

Heb 4:14 Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession.

Heb 4:15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.

Heb 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.


Look at Hebrews chapter 5 verses 1 to 2.

Heb 5:1 For every high priest taken from among men is ordained for men in things pertaining to God, that he may offer both gifts and sacrifices for sins:

Heb 5:2 Who can have compassion on the ignorant, and on them that are out of the way; for that he himself also is compassed with infirmity.


Now let me draw your attention to Jesus as our High Priest and then how you can fulfill this role in your home as we look at Scripture. i.) We saw Jesus acting as our High Priest and as a High Priest one of the conditions He met is that He is a merciful and faithful High Priest in things that pertain to God. What does that mean? In order for Jesus to be a merciful and faithful High Priest, it was necessary for Him to be made like unto His brethren so that He might be merciful, so that He may know how things feel, so that He may have compassion and He may be able to help those that are being tempted through suffering.

What are we saying here? For Jesus Christ to be able to identify with us in mercy, He had to pass through what we are passing through. For most of us as husbands, you will never, never be merciful to your wife, you will never, never recognise her aspirations and the problem she goes through until you are willing to soil your hand and try to go through the same hardship with her. Then you will understand what the Bible is saying here. You husband, when you leave home in the morning, you really don’t understand how your children trouble your wife, you really don’t know the anxiety that comes into the heart of a woman when there is no food yet in the house and the children are crying here and there. I wish you would suspend what you are doing and just stay home for two days and see what it takes and how a woman feels and the difficulties she faces. Many times you come home late and you sleep - you just fall down on your bed and you have slept; but here is your wife, she has not slept since morning, yet as soon as the baby cries in the middle of the night, she wakes up again! She can’t tell the baby “I am tired go and sleep!” No way. She will get up and breast-feed the baby!! And yet in the morning you are the first person to wake her up and say “Where is my breakfast?”

My friend, I wish you would be a merciful husband and a priest over your wife! If you will be that to her, the first thing for you to do will be to do the kind of thing that Jesus did: He partook of what we were going through! He was made to be like us in every respect. He Himself had been tempted in every point that we are tempted (yet without sin) so that He knows how to help us. Many of you distance yourself from what happens at home: what happens in the kitchen, what happens at childbirth, what happens at pregnancy; you have designed distance-from-these issues into your routine everyday! You never have compassion, you never feel the way the woman feels, and yet you cannot fulfill this role as a high priest unless you are prepared to soil your hand and identify with your wife in the things she goes through!

I know it is not possible for me to suggest to you that you should carry the pregnancy for your wife, but I know that there are several other things that your wife goes though in life, there are several other embarrassments that face a woman, simply because she is a woman! Things that you would normally overlook, she cannot overlook it! She is made by God to be so meticulous, to care for little things: things that you regard as insignificant are the things that matter to her. And if you would face it, these things are the things that keep your lives together actually as a family. They are the things that put shape and spice into your life! And when these things are not there you are altogether disorganised.

Now, we saw Jesus identify with our need. Can I ask you: How much have you identified with the need, with the problems, with the aspiration, with the peculiar situations that your wife has been going through O husband? Now as a high priest we also saw that because He has passed into the heavens to stand before God for us, because He is not a man that cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities but was in all point tempted like as we are, we can boldly come to the Throne of grace: we are sure we will see help! Let me ask you, are you so patient that your wife can approach you? Are you approachable?

We saw that Jesus had gone into the presence of God on our behalf. Have you ever gone into the presence of God for your wife in intercession, in prayer, in supplication? Have you stood before God and prayed and interceded for your wife that God might help her, that she might receive grace and find mercy? Have you stood before God and prayed and interceded for your wife to bring grace to her life, to bring her help in time of need? My brother, I want to ask you right now, there are so many things that your wife needs to do, do you know that even to submit to a man like your- self, a man that is erratic like yourself, your wife needed grace? Do you realise that when you stand up and say “It will be done like this,” and for a woman to adapt and change all her programs, for her to change all that she had been thinking and planning and arranging for the past four weeks, do you know that it needed grace? And yet I see you mercilessly stamping your feet on the ground and say “What I said must be done, if it is not done you are not staying in this house, you must decide whether I am your husband or I am just a man around.” And you see, you are so merciless, no grace is in your voice! What you are saying does not minister grace to your wife! No single encouragement. When you come back and your food is not ready, see how you say “Ok? I am not eating again!” In fifteen more minutes the food would have been ready but you got annoyed! You went out and bought pepper soup! The money you used for a single meal outside in an hotel is much more than what your wife would have used to set the table and provide good food for the whole of your family in one week! Yet that is what you do! You do that regularly!! You are merciless! Your wife is kept at home, almost indoors, she cannot come out; and yet you are strolling around, hand in hand with strange girls. You are a merciless man! I want to call you to repent.

If you are going to be a high priest just like Jesus, you must be ready to be accessible; your wife and your children must know that when they cry to you they know they will find grace. They can fall on you! They know they will receive mercy. They can come to you! They know they will find help in time of their need. Are you such a priest unto your wife?

Again I ask you: are you such a priest unto your wife? Are you merciful? Are you compassionate? The Bible says in the Hebrews 5 Scripture that we read – He (Jesus) can have compassion on the ignorant. Many, many times your wife is ignorant of what to do but you are not patient enough to have compassion; all you just do is shout at her and say “You just don’t understand my limit!” Many times you have banged the door of your car and you drove away and left your wife. There are husbands whose wives were meant to come to church with them and - you claim to be so much in haste, and I don’t know which haste you are talking about - and you left her at home!. Because as you drove out you met another friend of yours and you stand there talking for another 30 minutes before you came to church! And yet you were so much in haste, you couldn’t wait and carry your wife from home! You said to her “you better trek and meet me up.” And yet it was your food, it was your cloth she was ironing, it was your children, it was the things that you left with her that saddled her and she couldn’t sleep on time! Her responsibility is too much! To get a house-help to support her? You say you cannot afford it! How merciless are you?

What kind of priest are you to your family? How much prayer, how much sacrifice do you make unto God on their behalf? How much of your sleep do you give up in order to intercede for them and cover them in time of trouble? Now, look at Job as a priest over his house, he offered sacrifices for his wife and for his children. Even when they had not committed any sin that he knows, Job said “Maybe my family has done something presumptuously...” He would go ahead and offer sacrifices on their behalf. Do you do that as a regular routine every day, every night on behalf of your children? Do you pray, do you cover them with the blood of Jesus? Do you cover them with the Word of God? Do you stand before God and say “Lord I cover these children, I cover them, they don’t know their left from their right but Lord I stand on their behalf, Lord help me concerning them.” Do you do that on a daily basis for your children and especially for your wife? If Jesus as a High Priest as the Head of the church carries the infirmity of the body and the Bible says you also are a head over your wife just like Jesus Christ, can I ask you: How are you performing that role as a priest?

Now Jesus was shown to us as the Saviour of the body and you see when Jesus decided to be our Saviour, He came down to seek that which was lost and to save them. He didn’t come to condemn the world, the Gospel of John 3 verse 17 says “for God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world but that through Him the world might be saved.” He came to save, He came to seek that which was lost. How much do you look to protect and to provide for your wife? I want to look at 2 or 3 cases in the Scripture where Jesus acted as a Saviour to His disciples, let’s look at Matthew chapter 8 very quickly. Let’s read Matthew 8: 23-26

Mat 8:23 And when he was entered into a ship, his disciples followed him.

Mat 8:24 And, behold, there arose a great tempest in the sea, insomuch that the ship was covered with the waves: but he was asleep.

Mat 8:25 And his disciples came to him, and awoke him, saying, Lord, save us: we perish.

Mat 8:26 And he saith unto them, Why are ye fearful, O ye of little faith? Then he arose, and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a great calm.


Now let me ask you, are you doing such a thing for your wife? When storms of life come, does your family find you available to wake you up and say “Daddy, are you sleeping? We are in trouble!” And you stand up and you knew what to do immediately, you rebuked the storm, all the troubles that are looming ahead are not dazzling even yourself and you say to them “Now, go and rest!” And you say to the storm “Peace, be still.” And there was calm! If any woman has such a husband who will wake up in time of storm and act like this do you think that wife will run around? Do you think your wife will not submit to you when you say “Go and seat down, relax, I know what I will do” ? Women only jump up to disobey when they think that you don’t know what you are doing and that you are not committed enough to their welfare.

What kind of saviour of the body are you?

If you look again at Matthew 17 verses 24 to 27, I think you should quickly rush and check that Scripture before I leave you today.

Mat 17:24 And when they were come to Capernaum, they that received tribute money came to Peter, and said, Doth not your master pay tribute?

Mat 17:25 He saith, Yes. And when he was come into the house, Jesus prevented him, saying, What thinkest thou, Simon? of whom do the kings of the earth take custom or tribute? of their own children, or of strangers?

Mat 17:26 Peter saith unto him, Of strangers. Jesus saith unto him, Then are the children free.

Mat 17:27 Notwithstanding, lest we should offend them, go thou to the sea, and cast an hook, and take up the fish that first cometh up; and when thou hast opened his mouth, thou shalt find a piece of money: that take, and give unto them for me and thee.


You can imagine that! Jesus as a Saviour over embarrassment. Tax collectors came to embarrass the disciples and Jesus said “OK! so that we don’t offend them, so that they don’t drag us up and down, Peter you go and do this and you will have enough money to pay for me and for yourself!” Excuse me, what are you doing for your family as a saviour from social embarrassment? How many times has the electricity company (like PHCN in Nigeria) have come to cut electricity and leave your family without electricity and because you travelled for 3 weeks, your children remain in darkness all because you had not taken money to go and pay your electricity bills before you left on your journey? You are an irresponsible man! If it was Jesus, He would have first of all settled the problem by Himself in order to make them comfortable!

How many of you husbands notice that tax-collectors have come to harass your family and they ask “Where is the man of the house?” But you have already escaped, you have run away! They will now take your wife and for some husbands, their wives are kept behind bars in order to get their husbands to come and account for one overdue payment or the other! I want to tell you that you are an irresponsible man! If you are a saviour towards your wife, you are going to stand there! You are going to provide! You are going to stand there and save them from social embarrassment. You are going to provide for their basic needs.

Sometimes there is no water in your house because you did not pay your water bills and you see your wife, she has to carry this jerry can of water over 3 or 4 kilometres as if she was the only woman that is married in town! With her children carrying smaller kegs of water following her!! Where are you Mr. Man? Where are you? And I see you wearing big fashionable clothes: an irresponsible man looking good in big clothes to the public? Let me tell you: marriage is a responsibility! Marriage is a commitment and not a matter of dressing big. Some of you that are all-dressed-up outside don’t have a home! You have no home. All you are doing is just living for the public eye! You are dressing for people to think you are something. Some of you are running into politics when you couldn’t take care of your family. Some of you are rushed into being a leader in the church when you cannot provide for your family! Do you know what the Bible says, it says whosoever does not provide for his household is worse than an infidel. Are you a Pastor and you would never provide for your children, you keep praying as if you are in the spirit? I tell you today, you are worse than an infidel. Are you a prophet as you call yourself, your children are there trekking up and down and are being abused here and there because you decided not to care? Your children are almost beggars on the street right now because you decided not to care. I want to say to you, you are an infidel! You are worse than an infidel. If there was something worse than an infidel, then you are!

As we bow before God today, I want to show you that Jesus is our role model. As Jesus is so concerned about the spiritual needs of people, he was concerned about their physical need.

When you get back you can look at Mark chapter 14. You will see what Jesus did again concerning being a Saviour; let me read that before I stop here. Mark 14 verses 3 to 6. Please follow me quickly.

Mar 14:3 And being in Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he sat at meat, there came a woman having an alabaster box of ointment of spikenard very precious; and she brake the box, and poured it on his head.

Mar 14:4 And there were some that had indignation within themselves, and said, Why was this waste of the ointment made?

Mar 14:5 For it might have been sold for more than three hundred pence, and have been given to the poor. And they murmured against her.

Mar 14:6 And Jesus said, Let her alone; why trouble ye her? she hath wrought a good work on me.


Jesus said, let her alone. A saviour is a defender. Do you defend your wife? When your family: your junior brothers, your Uncles are beginning to accuse your wife and say “Look at this woman wasting our sons food, our sons property, since she came to this family, our son has not bought us any dress.” What do you as a husband say to that? Nothing. You kept quiet. You left your wife to the mercies of the people. If you are a saviour you will defend her; you will say: “Leave her alone she is acting under me!” You will say to them “You can’t be criticising my wife while I am still alive, leave her alone!” I mean do you defend your wife, do you go in front of your family to defend your wife so that your wife doesn’t have to say a word?

I want to ask you today: Are you indeed a saviour as Jesus Christ was to His church?

Because our time is gone, I would like to stop here. As we come back again by the grace of God to conclude this issue on the role of the husband towards his wife you will see more and more that being a husband is not a joke. Being a husband is not just looking for sex, it is not just looking for a woman you can use anytime. No! To be a husband is to be a committed and a responsible leader, a responsible high priest, a responsible saviour, a responsible defender and a responsible provider.

Bow your head right now to pray.

You can see what I am saying; no man around is a standard you could check, I want you to look at Jesus, let Jesus be your reference! Measure your life to Him in this matter of being a husband, may God help you as you pray today. Don’t hide this matter for God is looking for a way to help your life.

Let us pray.

Prayer: Father we are standing on behalf of the husbands that are before You asking for help. O Lord grant them grace to become the saviour of their homes in Jesus Name.

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